When I arrived manila, my feelings are mixed.. A little bit of worried and excited. One of the reasons aside of looking for opportunity , is a also a chance to my meet my mom..
I was 3 years old when she left me... And I will meet her for the first time from the many years that she left me.. I wanted to know her.. I have so many questions on my mind. " Why she left me? Did she really tried to abort me? Does she really love me? Why she is not reaching me out?"
A relative told me that she is living in Muntinlupa, Alabang.. So I tried to find her. When I found her, I didn't know what to say, I feel like I wanted to hug her, and tell her that I need her and I still love her and forgive her.. That she don't need to explain everything to me and start life with her.
She asked me, " Why are you here?" I answered, " Because they said that my mom lives here and I wanted to know her. I have so many things to ask.".. My tears fell down to my cheeks. She said, " You shouldn't come. This place is not good for you. I cant give you a good life here. I am poor."
I felt that she was only making excuses. I felt that she didn't want me to stay.. "Go back to province, You should not be here."..I cried and said, " but please.. give me some time to know you.. Only for temporary"... she said, "ok"..
But inside those days , I didn't felt love from her, it seems that she is not used to have responsibilities. She works for her sister who has a business of selling take out foods.. I sometimes work there, but no salary, only free foods and accommodation.
But I'm not after for anything, I just want to be with my mom. But she is cold to me and didn't treat me nice.. She never care for me.
One time, I experienced sleeping outside the gate for the first time in my life because she care more the house than to me..I was just from internet shop and came home late like 7 pm..and She was not at home and the gate was locked. she knew that I was outside and I was so disappointed... People looking at me. What if a bad person attack me outside?..
I cried and I realized that she doesn't really love me.. Maybe she really doesn't like me. Some of her relatives and neighborhoods didn't know that she has a daughter that has disability.
Everyone is shocked. She doesn't want people gossiping her because of me. Maybe bacause she is shy of my situation. She just wanted me to stay at home only and whenever she go, locked that gate and I was just inside with foods. .
I felt like an animal... I felt rejected by my own mom.. It hurts so badly to know that the person who I thought can protect me, will be the first person who hurt and discriminated me.
So I decided to go my boarding house in Novaliches. Maybe I have to respect her decision, maybe I have to understand her..
But atleast I gave a try to know her and gave her a chance to prove that she is my mom.. But its sad that she only disappointed me and break my heart hope someday she will realize her mistake, she will learn to love me and accept me. Maybe if someday, I will become successful she will be proud of me.. I hope someday.''
33mq3pBamtZUg7Jb9HA3NVVHFbkazAkv8z
Thank you for giving time reading my blogs. I highly appreciate if you help me reach my dream and be part of my journey. Please consider donating me using bitcoin. Godbless.
No comments:
Post a Comment